Have you ever watched the hit new Netflix film Underneath Paris but?
Sadly, I’ve. It made final 12 months’s shark film Meg 2: The Trench look wise.
Don’t be so dismissive. I feel the Meg franchise poses a sound query.
Is it (as one Telegraph critic questioned): ‘What would occur if Jason Statham have been to punch an enormous prehistoric shark – twice?’
No, it’s: ‘The place will the sharks go if we wreck their habitat?’
Proper, and in line with this newest shark splatter-fest the reply is: up the Seine.
Nicely, why not?
As a result of they’re saltwater fish.
Underneath Paris offers with that: lead shark Lilith has been genetically mutated, which means she will stay in recent water.
That’ll be the identical mutation that permits her to outlive the primary a part of the film on a weight loss plan of submerged Renault Clios.
You realise you’re very a lot alone in not score this movie?
So I perceive: 41 million views in 5 days when it launched on the streaming service earlier this month. I fear for Netflix viewers.
What in regards to the crowds off to subsequent month’s Paris Olympics?
There are not any sharks within the Seine!
How are you aware?
The largest risk from swimming in Paris’s well-known waterway isn’t sharks – it’s sh…
Shells.
Sorry?
Dying want: Donald Trump would quite be electrocuted than attacked by an excellent white
Stay artillery shells left from the Second World Battle. The river’s stuffed with them, apparently. Similar to it says within the film.
Have you ever stopped to ask your self, although, what the chances are of all of them exploding without delay as the results of a combat between the French military and an infestation of catacomb-dwelling mutant killer sharks?
Donald Trump would take all this significantly.
I don’t assume DT is anxious about shark assaults.
However he’s! Earlier this month, whereas on the marketing campaign path in Las Vegas, he stated he’d quite die by electrocution than in a shark assault.
Shark assaults are a little bit of an issue within the Mojave Desert, are they?
In accordance with New York Journal, Trump ‘debuted the shark-versus-electrocution tirade throughout a marketing campaign occasion in Ottumwa, Iowa, in October 2023’.
Additionally bizarre.
A decade earlier than that he tweeted: ‘Sharks are final on my checklist – apart from maybe the losers and haters of the world!’
What’s the checklist? ‘Company I’ll welcome on the White Home if I ever make president’?
His alleged mistress Stormy Daniels has stated: ‘He’s obsessive about sharks… He was like… “I’d by no means donate to any charity that helps sharks. I hope all of the sharks die.”’
Nicely, in that case, Trump could also be perturbed to know that Underneath Paris director Xavier Gens isn’t ruling out a sequel.
I seen a map of London seem on the finish of the film. Perhaps the mutant sharks are heading for the UK. Xavier Gens might set it anyplace with water. Underneath Leicester? Underneath Liverpool?
Underneath Ashton-under-Lyne?
In the meantime Bridgerton’s Phoebe Dynevor has been introduced in a brand new shark film attributable to begin filming in Melbourne subsequent month.
The place will the sharks be hiding this time?
In a hurricane.
Certainly that risk could possibly be mitigated by not going swimming in a hurricane?
I believe not, however again to Underneath Paris: Netflix was so overwhelmed by followers posting on X to recommend higher names for the film that it mocked up a collection of alternate options.
Go on…
Shark de Triomphe.
Clearly.
In Seine, Chomps Élysées, Bon-Jaws…
Though I’d say one commentator posting underneath the YouTube trailer of the film wins the pun prize.
What did they give you?
‘If the ultimate title card isn’t “fin”, we riot.’
